| "Mom, I want to quit karate." | | | | attended. I bought him books and videos, then |
| With those few words, Ryan, my thirteen-year-old | | | | quizzed him on the material. In my mind, the more |
| son, declared war. | | | | opportunities he took advantage of, the quicker he |
| For two solid years, four times a week, I had willingly | | | | would advance to that all-important Black Belt. |
| driven thirty miles to the nearest karate dojo. In that | | | | But along the way, I forgot to ask Ryan what he |
| short amount of time, Ryan exhibited a natural ability | | | | wanted. So I felt shocked and disappointed when he |
| that quickly moved him up the ranks. He had earned | | | | told me earning a Black Belt no longer mattered to |
| the first black stripe on his Brown Belt. Only two | | | | him. |
| more tests until he would have his Black Belt. And | | | | "I'm going to quit," he said. "It's no fun anymore. |
| now, he wanted to quit. | | | | Baseball season starts soon and I'd rather practice |
| The lessons had been Ryan's idea, not mine. To me, | | | | baseball than karate." |
| karate implied violence. To Ryan, they represented | | | | "But you're so close to becoming a Black Belt," I |
| power. | | | | insisted. "Why give up before you reach your goal? |
| "Mom, I'm a wimp. I'm tired of all the bullies picking on | | | | Haven't you listened to anything Sensi has tried to |
| me. I need to learn how to defend myself." | | | | teach you?" |
| I resisted. My excuses ranged from, "I don't want | | | | "Yes, Mom, I have. Sensi said anything is possible if |
| you to get hurt. You'll never practice." And that | | | | you're not afraid of hard work. I want to play in the |
| parental favorite, "We can't afford it." | | | | Major Leagues someday. That means I have to |
| I didn't give in until the day he came home with a | | | | devote my time to improving my baseball skills. I'd like |
| bloody nose because of a bully who made him kiss | | | | to try out for the High School team, and maybe play |
| the pavement, nose first. | | | | winter ball, but I need to practice hard if I hope to |
| Karate lessons began the very next day. | | | | make the cuts." |
| From the beginning, I sensed something special about | | | | "Couldn't you stay with karate for just one more |
| the school. His Sensi, (teacher) did more than just | | | | year," I begged, still clinging to the vision of his Black |
| teach the kids how to defend themselves against an | | | | Belt. |
| enemy. He taught survival skills for life. | | | | Ryan stood his ground and shook his head. "I learned |
| "Keep your eyes open," Sensi told them. "Be aware | | | | what I wanted to from karate. I know how to |
| of what's going on around you. Set goals. Learn the | | | | defend myself, even against people bigger than me. |
| skills needed to meet your goals." | | | | I'm not afraid of bullies or a gang with knife, because |
| Once Sensi asked a class of thirty-five kids, "How | | | | I know what to do and how to get away." |
| many of you consider yourselves average?" To his | | | | His only other comment was, "If getting a Black Belt |
| dismay, almost every hand went up. | | | | is so important to you, Mom, maybe you're the one |
| "Put your hands down," he yelled. "Never, ever admit | | | | who should be taking karate instead of me." |
| that you are average. You have within you the ability | | | | His words shocked me, much like a bucket of cold |
| to be anything you want, as long as you're willing to | | | | water jolts your system awake. That's when I |
| work at it." | | | | stepped back and took a good look at my son. |
| Even sitting on the sidelines, his words touched me, | | | | There had been no whining. He hadn't raised his voice |
| infusing me with a hidden strength. He made me feel | | | | or lost his temper. He had come to a decision based |
| like I could do anything. And as adamantly as I'd been | | | | on the goals he had set for himself. Then he |
| against karate in the first place, I suddenly became | | | | presented the facts to me in a calm and grown-up |
| its biggest advocate. | | | | manner. |
| Ryan never missed a class or a test. With the rest of | | | | No longer my little baby, but not quite a young man, |
| the students, he performed monthly demonstrations | | | | Ryan had taken the first step toward adulthood by |
| in parades, shopping malls and fairs. When special | | | | taking control of his own life. Which, I think, was |
| seminars came around, I always made sure he | | | | exactly what Sensi wanted to teach him all along. |