| "Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest | | | | and believe all the most unrealistic and dangerous |
| longings, our sense of direction. When we're two | | | | things that are attached to the term", he says. |
| balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are | | | | As I look back at my experiences I can recall people |
| we've found the right person" Richard Bach | | | | I would recognize as soul mates and yet they were |
| (American author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull | | | | certainly not love interests. These days my own |
| 1936). | | | | daughter fits that mold. |
| For a long, long time I knew "he" was out there and | | | | So what of romantic love? Should we all lose that |
| that as fate would have it I would find him. This was | | | | hope of finding "the one" who will bring us endless |
| the period in my life when I struggled for survival | | | | joy and affection? I don't think so. I still believe that |
| alone.I had just come out of a marriage, that I had | | | | there is someone out there for everyone and that a |
| not been ready for in the first place - it is always | | | | special person will bring you precious gifts under the |
| much easier to see these things in retrospect - and | | | | guise of life lessons. |
| for the first time in eleven and half years, I was | | | | We have this belief that our love soul mate will be |
| single. | | | | exactly like us and that we will get along so well, but |
| I married in 1983 after a seven year (to the day) | | | | think about it; you will never have a clean house if |
| courtship. You might say: seven years! Wow, for | | | | you are both messy. The other side to this is of |
| someone who wasn't prepared for marriage, it's not | | | | course that when two people are polar opposites |
| like you rushed into it! Well here's the thing; I was 15 | | | | they can also drive each other crazy, I know as a |
| years old when we met and by 21 I had nowhere | | | | neat freak I would soon get fed up of picking up |
| near the maturity required to contemplate wedlock. I | | | | after a sloppy friend. |
| don't know whether I really loved him at all, I had | | | | My view - now I am much older and wiser - is that |
| very low self esteem back then, stemming from lack | | | | the Universe will send to us the perfect balance, |
| of affection in my family and when this good looking | | | | being the person whom we have the most to learn |
| young man showed an interest, I could not believe it! | | | | from. Although this can be challenging and we |
| He was one of the popular ones at school, girls were | | | | sometimes wonder how clashing with someone can in |
| lining up to be with him and he wanted me! "I better | | | | any way be educational. |
| go for this", I thought, "I may never find anyone like | | | | This is an interesting piece of information from |
| this again." | | | | "Netscape Love & Personal" website: "So do soul |
| This began a pattern in my life of getting involved | | | | mates really exist? Researchers from the State |
| with the first male who would come along because in | | | | University of New York at Buffalo say YES! You can |
| my mind the chances of finding anyone else were | | | | find your perfect soul mate. Here's the warning: It |
| close to none. I took in the attention and never | | | | may only exist in your mind. Even if there is no such |
| stopped long enough to question how I felt about | | | | thing as a perfect soul mate, we can still believe we |
| this person. I just wanted someone and that was it. | | | | have found one. Both men and women are capable |
| After my marriage break up I began the quest to | | | | of developing a very real sense that our partners are |
| find my "Soul Mate". When I would find him he would | | | | mirror images of ourselves. That lets us see |
| love and adore me and treat me like a queen and I | | | | similarities that really don't exist. But if we think they |
| would never be alone, or scared as he would take | | | | exist, then presto! We have a soul mate." |
| care of everything for me. Note that my plans never | | | | All in our mind they say? Perhaps this is the |
| included how I would feel about him or what I would | | | | explanation for the initial bumping into walls, butterfly |
| give to him. I was self centered and naive and | | | | in the stomach "in love" stage when you first meet |
| terribly scared of being alone. I believed this magical | | | | someone. Of course at this time all the bad habits |
| man would be shot by Cupid's arrow (I really did!) and | | | | and faults are invisible. It's because we have found |
| fall madly in love with me. Was I chasing an unrealistic | | | | "the one" that's why! It is important that for a |
| dream? | | | | relationship to work the negative traits rise to the |
| Joseph Ghabi is a clairvoyant and medium. He started | | | | surface and that we fight at times and still love each |
| the "Free Spirit Centre" website. He has a good | | | | other anyway. Yes it is ok to fight; you just have to |
| article in it about soul mates, "Soul Mates is another | | | | learn to "fight well". Be fair and remember it's all right |
| Soul that share the same exact similar way of | | | | not to win sometimes. The old cliché about |
| understanding as the other Soul and in this lifetime so | | | | communication being the key is quite apt I think. Let's |
| they decided to share their growth and | | | | face it; ESP was not on the curriculum at school so |
| understanding together. It does NOT mean Soul | | | | to except to be able to read each other's mind is |
| Mates have to be in a relationship to make it work." | | | | pretty far fetched. |
| A soul mate is not necessarily someone you will | | | | As I reminisce about the time in my life when I felt |
| share a romantic relationship with; if it is it might not | | | | most alone, afraid and desperate to find "the man", I |
| be a life long one. | | | | wish that I had stayed on my own for a lot longer |
| In 2001 the "National Marriage Project" at Rutgers | | | | and got to know myself and learnt to fill my own |
| University ran a national survey of 1003 people aged | | | | needs, because I did not find happiness until I |
| 20 to 29. Of these 61% had never married. Social | | | | stopped and did just that. I made a decision one day |
| historian Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David | | | | that I was ok and if I was to remain single for the |
| Popenoe headed the research and asked these | | | | rest of my days that would be ok too. I had finally |
| young people questions in regards to their thoughts | | | | discovered that I could be happy without a man. |
| on marriage and divorce. 94% of the "never | | | | Don't get me wrong it did not happen overnight, it |
| marrieds" stated that "when you marry you want | | | | was a struggle to just stop searching and just "be". I |
| your spouse to be your soul mate, first and | | | | realized that I had all I needed all along and there was |
| foremost." When asked how important it is to them | | | | not a man in sight! |
| to find someone who shares religious and ethical | | | | I did meet someone eventually and, you guessed it; |
| beliefs only 42% believed that it is paramount to be | | | | it was just when I least expected him and he got to |
| with someone who shares these core values. I | | | | know the "whole of me" as a complete human being. |
| obtained this information from an article by Scott M | | | | I did not have to settle for anything less than what I |
| Stanley adapted from his book "The Power of | | | | wanted and deserved. I look at my partner now and |
| Commitment". He calls this myth about soul mates | | | | goodness knows we have had a lot of downs with |
| "soul-mate-ism". "The danger is that many people hold | | | | our ups, but the way I see it, I'm a soul, he's a soul |
| to their desire for a soul mate who does not exist, | | | | and we are mates. |