| Some people say that raindrops are the tears of the | | | | but we do not naturally judge sadness. That's a |
| heavens, but maybe that's backwards. I think maybe | | | | learned response. |
| tears are the rain of life. | | | | At some point we learn to fight crying because we |
| Like rain, tears are cleansing. They can wash away | | | | have learned to fight sadness in general, and this is a |
| grief, anger, fear... all the sorrows of human kind. | | | | terrible mistake. It is good to feel and release |
| They melt away our suffering, leaving us fresh, | | | | sadness, allowing the natural process to take place. It |
| renewed, and our hearts become a fertile ground for | | | | is not good to fight our natural expressions of |
| new joys. | | | | sadness. Far better to cry until you're done with it |
| Why, then, do we act as though tears were such a | | | | than to carry it around. |
| travesty? No one enjoys grief, but tears are a | | | | Instead, most of the time we not only carry the |
| welcome relief to the open heart. Emotions, after all, | | | | sadness around with us instead of fully expressing it, |
| are not just in our heads. Emotions are chemical | | | | but we also walk around judging ourselves for feeling |
| states that originate in the mind but are carried | | | | sad and for wanting to cry in the first place. But |
| throughout our bodies, responding on a cellular level. | | | | sadness is a natural part of life. And the urge to cry |
| We need our tears to wash our grief away. | | | | is a natural response to sadness. So basically we're |
| While it may seem "natural" to dislike crying, it is grief | | | | just giving ourselves a hard time for being human. |
| that we naturally reject, not the act of crying itself. | | | | What a waste of energy! |
| We dislike crying because we learn as children that | | | | So the next time you feel like crying about |
| crying is bad, a sign of weakness, or at the very | | | | something, find a place where you feel safe and just |
| least something to be controlled as quickly as | | | | let it out. Most importantly, remember that this is |
| possible. Frankly, that's a crock of hooey, but that's | | | | what you're supposed to be doing when you feel |
| what we learn nonetheless. | | | | sad--and stop judging yourself for your natural |
| There's at least some biological basis to the problem, | | | | emotions. |
| of course. It's virtually impossible to ignore the cries | | | | They say that when it rains, it pours, and for many |
| of infants. We are hard-wired to respond to that | | | | of us, the first time we really give ourselves the |
| particular distress. The sound of an infant's squalls | | | | freedom to cry just as long and hard as we feel like |
| produces physical, measurable stress in adults, and | | | | it, that storm can last a while. The body can store up |
| our immediate response as parents and caregivers is | | | | a whole lot of stuff it needs to let out. So just think |
| to hold the child and repeat some version of the | | | | of it as a summer thundershower and ride it through. |
| phrase, "It's okay, please don't cry," over and over, | | | | You'll feel a whole lot better afterwards, I promise. |
| to the point of desperation. | | | | And if you happen to have children, the next time |
| As infants mature into toddlers, the phrase sticks, I | | | | they're crying try to just sit with them until it passes. |
| suppose. "No, no, don't cry," becomes the | | | | Show them that their crying is okay by letting it take |
| crying-response mantra. We just don't think about it | | | | its course. If you feel the need to say something, |
| after a while. But really, genuine tears are best met | | | | phrases like, "I know," or, "That's okay, just let it |
| with patience and understanding, not with | | | | out," are actually much more supportive than saying, |
| admonishments. | | | | "Don't cry." If they're crying, it's because they need |
| As children, then, we learn that grief and tears are | | | | to. If they see you taking it in stride, they'll learn not |
| "bad" and that happiness is "good." Yes, we naturally | | | | to judge themselves for it. And that's a gift that will |
| prefer happiness over sadness as biochemical beings, | | | | serve them well throughout their lives. |