| Q: There have been times when I'm not | | | | their relationship at this point are |
| absolutely sure that I'm still in love with | | | | nearsighted; they fail to see beyond the |
| my husband. I'm afraid this means we're not | | | | immediacy of the changes all relationships |
| right for each other, even though we've been | | | | face. When you understand that your |
| married for several years. Can you shed any | | | | relationship is evolving (and that there will |
| light on this? | | | | be growing pains), you will be more likely to |
| | | | ride through the turbulence until the skies |
| A: There are many normal factors that can | | | | become calm again. |
| influence how you feel about your spouse. | | | | |
| Today we'll focus on something all couples | | | | Let yourself fall in love with your partner |
| experience (even though they may be unaware | | | | more than once |
| of it): the fact that love changes with the | | | | |
| passage of time. | | | | Love is not a linear phenomenon--your |
| | | | feelings of love will ebb and flow. Couples |
| Your relationship will go through stages | | | | who have been together for many years often |
| | | | describe falling in love with each other more |
| It's important to realize that long-term | | | | than once (and in different ways) over the |
| relationships go through a series of stages. | | | | course of their relationship. There are |
| It is perfectly natural for your feelings to | | | | naturally occurring relationship lulls |
| fluctuate along with the tides of these | | | | intermixed with periods of greater connection |
| stages. | | | | and intensity. |
| | | | |
| The danger lies in misinterpreting these | | | | Feelings change, love intensifies and |
| normal relationship changes as an indication | | | | wanes--over the lifetime of a marriage |
| that you no longer love your partner. One | | | | couples fall in and out of love with each |
| trouble spot is when your relationship | | | | other again and again. |
| transitions from the early blissful stage (a | | | | |
| time when your feelings might be extremely | | | | Think of your relationship as a journey--a |
| intense and all-consuming) to what has been | | | | journey that will involve highs and lows, |
| called the stage of disillusionment. | | | | success and disappointment, discovery and |
| Typically, this occurs two to three years | | | | rediscovery. Along this journey, successful |
| into a relationship. | | | | couples hold onto the reasons they fell in |
| | | | love in the first place and they find new |
| During disillusionment, the intensity of | | | | reasons to deepen their existing love. |
| passion and infatuation wanes and you begin | | | | |
| to notice the differences that exist between | | | | It is the awareness of these normal stages of |
| you and your partner--differences that | | | | love and commitment to the long-term survival |
| require compromise, negotiation and patience. | | | | of the relationship that sustain couples |
| The calm sky that once steadied your | | | | during times of uncertainty and the stresses |
| relationship gives way to pockets of | | | | that all relationships face. |
| unsettling turbulence. Many couples are | | | | |
| unprepared for these changes and wrongly | | | | To discover more about love and tips on a |
| assume that their relationship is inherently | | | | wide range of relationship issues, sign up |
| flawed or that they are no longer "in love" | | | | for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox |
| with each other. | | | | Newsletter by visiting |
| | | | |
| Couples who make the hasty decision to end | | | | As a bonus, you will receive Dr. |