| Q: There have been times when I'm not absolutely | | | | relationship at this point are nearsighted; they fail to |
| sure that I'm still in love with my husband. I'm afraid | | | | see beyond the immediacy of the changes all |
| this means we're not right for each other, even | | | | relationships face. When you understand that your |
| though we've been married for several years. Can | | | | relationship is evolving (and that there will be growing |
| you shed any light on this? | | | | pains), you will be more likely to ride through the |
| A: There are many normal factors that can influence | | | | turbulence until the skies become calm again. |
| how you feel about your spouse. Today we'll focus | | | | Let yourself fall in love with your partner more than |
| on something all couples experience (even though | | | | once |
| they may be unaware of it): the fact that love | | | | Love is not a linear phenomenon--your feelings of |
| changes with the passage of time. | | | | love will ebb and flow. Couples who have been |
| Your relationship will go through stages | | | | together for many years often describe falling in love |
| It's important to realize that long-term relationships | | | | with each other more than once (and in different |
| go through a series of stages. It is perfectly natural | | | | ways) over the course of their relationship. There are |
| for your feelings to fluctuate along with the tides of | | | | naturally occurring relationship lulls intermixed with |
| these stages. | | | | periods of greater connection and intensity. |
| The danger lies in misinterpreting these normal | | | | Feelings change, love intensifies and wanes--over the |
| relationship changes as an indication that you no | | | | lifetime of a marriage couples fall in and out of love |
| longer love your partner. One trouble spot is when | | | | with each other again and again. |
| your relationship transitions from the early blissful | | | | Think of your relationship as a journey--a journey |
| stage (a time when your feelings might be extremely | | | | that will involve highs and lows, success and |
| intense and all-consuming) to what has been called | | | | disappointment, discovery and rediscovery. Along this |
| the stage of disillusionment. Typically, this occurs two | | | | journey, successful couples hold onto the reasons |
| to three years into a relationship. | | | | they fell in love in the first place and they find new |
| During disillusionment, the intensity of passion and | | | | reasons to deepen their existing love. |
| infatuation wanes and you begin to notice the | | | | It is the awareness of these normal stages of love |
| differences that exist between you and your | | | | and commitment to the long-term survival of the |
| partner--differences that require compromise, | | | | relationship that sustain couples during times of |
| negotiation and patience. The calm sky that once | | | | uncertainty and the stresses that all relationships |
| steadied your relationship gives way to pockets of | | | | face. |
| unsettling turbulence. Many couples are unprepared | | | | To discover more about love and tips on a wide |
| for these changes and wrongly assume that their | | | | range of relationship issues, sign up for Dr. Nicastro's |
| relationship is inherently flawed or that they are no | | | | FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter by visiting |
| longer "in love" with each other. | | | | As a bonus, you will receive Dr. |
| Couples who make the hasty decision to end their | | | | |